-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, Janika, Basically Clueless & this blog PinkFeldspar, Living in Mirkwood (deleted), and a leaf blowing by in that order.
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Sunday, May 3, 2020

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Woke up from a dream about Walter Cronkite. Not a clue where that even came from, but he'd have been around in the past life I think I had before this one.

One of the articles I read before meeting my new psychiatrist said to expect that level of interaction to heighten a depressive episode afterward. Boy, they weren't kidding. However, it's been very interesting watching Pinky and Jacky shuffling back and forth since then. At least it's not outright sabotage any more. I think the honesty is helping tremendously.

Finally dealing for real with dissociative disorder. All these years, alone with myself in pieces, and it took this long to get someone to discuss it with me, partly because so much of it was hidden from myself for so long. Imagine living like that all your life and no one you know even questions it.

I'm still here. I was very thoroughly questioned again about suicide and self harm. It's been a group effort inside my head stopping the sabotage every single day.



Friday, May 1, 2020

Q and Cicada, perhaps


That is a picture of my TV, zoomed in on wall decor in the Capitol during the last Hunger Games movie just before the building was destroyed. To me it looks like covid with the black cube of Saturn in the center.


And that is the black cube itself on the Capitol lawn in one of the earlier movies.

I've brought up black cube before, several posts back. Other people I've run into are noticing covid 'art' in other older films, as well.

I'm having weird dreams again. I used to have laundry nightmares that I've shared on other blogs here and there. Last night I was trying to sort worn uniforms into laundry piles in a fast food restaurant and I kept fussing at my coworkers to stop kicking them under the furniture and equipment. The uniforms were colorful heavy crushed velvet, very expensive. Maybe I've rewatched a little too much Effie Trinket lately.

Stripes and dots. Have you ever noticed that all decor boils down to stripes and dots, and mixes and variations thereof? Like, paisley is very elaborate dots. Wavy lines are still stripes. Dots and stripes can be arranged into infinite patterns.

I've been noticing for a long time that the very numerous things all around us can be sifted down into a scant handful of categories or subsets. Once you can see that in all the patterns, it's almost like seeing how to walk through walls.

Very few people know how to do this. I'll think someone is brilliant about an idea, and eventually figure out they didn't realize the full potential of that idea at all, and I feel stunned that they missed seeing what I did. I assume everyone around me can see what I can, the way I can, and when I get excited to talk they fall flat and don't get it.

For instance, 2 or 3 years ago I was deep digging and wondered if Q either sprang directly from or hijacked the Cicada game.




People forget things so quickly, even when they are very smart. As soon as Q established being 17, I instantly thought Cicada.

I don't have the kind of brain that decrypts riddles, but I do see more easily than some others how patterns emerge. I'm very good with patterns.

It's nearly cicada season. Q says it's going to be a hot summer. I live in the heart of midwest cicada country, so I'm very familiar with them. Maybe we should be taking this literally to get some deep dig info.


See that? Brood IX will hatch this year in states where big bases and alphabet buildings are located.



17 is a very important number with Q and our current POTUS. One anon was noticing how many family members and past associates had been born on the 17th of their birth months. Things like that.

Maybe we need to learn where these cicada broods are typically located. Looks to me like some agencies will be getting swarmed.

Back to the black cube, let's make a leap and possibly a conjecture.


In the next bit, note that a 3D cube can be made out of a hexagon.



Now let's tie that black cube and 17 together.


This is the year that the cabal goes down, per this POTUS administration.

This is the year cicadas swarm the black cube, per symbolism.

Just like in Hunger Games.

They stormed the Capitol.

You can leap to every imagery and pun and take that where you please. I honestly don't know if there is a connection between Q and Cicada, but Q says there are no coincidences.

In the event Brood IX means anything...


Happy May Day


Met my new psychiatrist yesterday. She seems pretty cool, and I came away from that feeling relieved after being super nervous the day before.

No one so far has ever outright said bipolar 2 even though mood problem has been a real dx for years, but she was reading off my dx summary and there it was.



And she pretty much said dissociative is real. Not ready to add that to my spaz blog yet. My years of memory problems are finally making sense.

This song has stuck on repeat in my head last couple days.