-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, Janika, Basically Clueless & this blog PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Thursday, April 15, 2021

the dark age

 Per a couple posts back-

This is how I find other people creating things in the dark for me to find

I sometimes compulsively reread for errors, and one possible error would be that I should have written that as people creating things for me to find in the dark.  NO. I'll tell you why.

This is OUR dark. We are in the dark ages, whether you see them as dark or not. We are in the Age of Oppression, whether you realize it or not. It's not just my dark, it's all our dark.

This is not just my own depression. We've been slogging through a worldwide depression all our lives, created by the deep state so we can be controlled.

Over this last year it has become abundantly clear how easily controlled the masses are in their thinking, their perceptions and beliefs, their responses and reactions, and especially their docile obedience.

Saying that, I now say yes, I've seen other errors in other posts that I know nags at at least one of you, and the reason I don't go obsessively fix them is because I've been so compulsive with correcting in the past that I've dropped everything more important and even leaped out of bed in the wee hours just to fix a minor typo here or there. I finally realized I was destroying my own health over that level of obsession, and now I find old typos and triumphantly walk away.

I'm a very messed up person in some areas, and the obsession to self correct is a primary life intrusion that I've spent years letting go of.

I sometimes wonder how actors survive themselves. As in survive their own selves, not 'survive, themselves'. Those of you who don't know the difference, that is how deep state controls your thinking. They control language in ways you're too dumbed down to get. That's how they get away with doublethink. Practice language tools, get your control back over your mind.


From my twitter

I keep hearing any time now, but May is popping up in some places, so hang in there. 💖

wonder how many time orientation perception realities there are out there in humanland

Stuff I wrote on 1-15-18


Faith in action, and how we have the power to change the future.

  • If we do this now, we'll prevent problems down the road.
  • If we get this done, we won't see the problems come up.
  • If we finish now, we may never know what the problems would have been.

Just because we can't see the future we're avoiding doesn't mean we can procrastinate.


We've had a couple discussions this week about the price of eeking out every penny's worth of a material good in order to 'save money' and 'not be wasteful'.

Discussion 1- The very real fire that sprang up the wall from a bad cord to a 20+ year old coffeemaker doesn't mean that we should laboriously replace a cord and several other small parts while we're at it and keep risking the fail of the entire house going up in flames, probably worth at least the cost of replacing it with an identical model from ebay and possibly the cost of our entire house and everything in it, not to mention a possible life. If Scott hadn't seen that flame up before he went to work... And you'd think that would really hit a person, but I'm not sure he's wired to think that way. We have very different brains and perspectives. I have finally put my foot down against using taped up electrical cords on general principle, even though we could conceivably keep using appliances to the point where they finally give out into a poof of irretrievable dust.

Discussion 2- Another burner temp regulator has gone berserk and will out of the blue click to super high temp without warning, and I saw a pancake burn black in seconds and a pan smoke hard within seconds of it happening. If I hadn't been in the same room to see that (another possible fire in the same small area leaving me wondering if one of the many lightning surges we've had may have affected the wiring in that wall even though it's all grounded) we could have lost the entire house, and who knows if I'd have escaped a house fire or not. At any rate, to keep using this stove another *looks at clock* 12 years, about half of which have already had one wonky bad burner (and now there's three), is to risk everything we own and possibly even our own lives, so I have put my foot down about no more replacing parts that cost $80 a pop to the point where it will have been cheaper to just go buy a new stove.

These two discussions have only deepened my distrust of everything deep state programmed into older people skulls since our childhoods, that we must not waste anything, that we must save every penny we can, that we must model good citizenship by being thrifty. THAT is a world war mentality. THAT is propaganda from wartime programming. If you wanna see how that affected people, just look at the way we live (we're actually in a very nice house) and ask if this level of commitment to product is worth our lives and everything we own. I have been dealing with this my whole life. First it was my dad, now it's my husband, and the idea is that this is all more important than our own safety, comfort, and enjoyment. We are slaves to a way of thinking.

If you guys catch yourselves telling someone to turn off the light every time they walk through a doorway into another room, you are a slave of that mentality. Logically, lights nowadays are much cheaper and way more efficient than they started out being when it made more sense to fuss about turning off the lights.

This mentality has washed down into several generations, and it disgusts me because that mentality alone is responsible for putting material concerns ahead of people concerns. No person on the planet is worth less than a light bulb, an electrical cord, or a part in an appliance, and yet we automatically do this to each other.

This is why so many people are still in a coma, and many who think they are awake are still at least half asleep.


Now I will share my latest meandering video trail from a recent bipolar depression jag that thankfully only lasted 3 days. These have become much rarer over time, still wondering if thanks in part to vitamin D deficiency being corrected. But this is how I survive myself, by burying myself in this kind of distraction. It started off sad (this is the time of year my best friend was murdered) with a weird fanvid and wound up going all trippy with really cool science. This is how I find other people creating things in the dark for me to find, and that is why I continue to write for others.

Food vids are awesome.

Love getting lost in this stuff.

I watched this for a half hour, kid you not. Felt very soothing. I was needing that quite badly since I don't do head meds.

Super awesome.

I wanna find myself in a higher dimension.

lol, I have dreams like this.

This was perfect, I've gotten that exact same call script. Wish I'd been more creative like this guy.

Ha! 😂


I was not aware bands could be this cool.

After this I felt like getting back out of bed and doing something. 😀

Worldwide suicide hotlines. Sorry it's cut off at the bottom, I found this on twitter and it came like that.

p.s. I experienced my first cognizant alt sharing (not switching, but sharing space) through that depression jag, and it was pretty wild. (I had said out loud a few hours earlier that I wish I could integrate more of myself and stop switching so much, maybe the others felt the same way.) I very strongly encourage you guys to find someone to hug asap and not let go through something like that. Just hug if you can do nothing else. Hugging is good. Try not to bite their head off, chew it up, and spit it back out at them between hugs, or even while hugging. It's not worth losing the hugs. I know it's hard. 💓 Sometimes logical Jacky (the cat who walks by herself) can't always stop emotional Pinky (the interface) from self destructive meltdowns, and when Yablo (party Spock) or Janika (the addict) get dragged into it, we can have some really rough days where time orientation completely fails and everything feels like a very confusing time loop, and everything becomes personally painful even if it never was before, and nothing coming out of us makes sense. God bless youtube (in spite of what patriots think) for saving me time and time again for many years, providing me the distraction that suspends the hyperreaction cataclysms and leads me through the scary dark without dire consequences. I've been able to keep a marriage together and keep talking to my kids and even stay public online, thanks to youtube being available and so many people using youtube to share their visions and creations and dreams and feelings. I will always be a fan of fans.

I'm ok on the other side now. I don't write like this when I'm not ok.

Go tell people you love them.

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Can you see it?

Pix click to sources. 

'formerly nicotine stained fingers'

Jim Morrison's dad "was commander of the U.S. naval forces in the Gulf of Tonkin during the Gulf of Tonkin Incident of August 1964, which sparked an escalation of American involvement in the Vietnam War."

Jim has been part of the Great Awakening. I'm hearing rumors he's not really dead yet, and he wants to die as himself.

Blogger started throwing an absolute fit when I previewed all this just now. The page kept freezing every other second and I can't scroll real quick to check positioning. It's like I'm fighting someone trying to scroll back.

You like the really good rumors? Follow John F Kennedy Jr on Telegram. I had figured out who hsretoucher was months ago on twitter while it was still a fun game.

Sunday, April 11, 2021

pay attention

I'm going to paste this thing over that I wrote back in April 2018. The line has been smeared so badly between evil and good in entertainment that I finally just had a fit. Perhaps this will be helpful in understanding why it's so difficult for some people to believe our world has been steeped in real evil for a very long time, but candied up so we can't possibly believe it really exists.

like, pretend your villain isn't terribly empathic or something

This is a think piece, in case you miss that.

Sometimes I wanna sit and write out all the stuff I would've done in your place kind of thing. Like, lemme show you how to be a better sneak, a sharper thief, a wittier manipulator, a more cunning liar, a farther seeing revenger, a more thorough getting even thinker. The fail I see others stumbling through drives me crazy.

The key to all great successes is simply don't tell anyone. If you have to tell someone, anyone, then you aren't ready for the big leagues. If you can't stand holding it all in and need to spell it all out or you'll pop, you're not that terribly serious. You might still be dangerous and whatever, but you ultimately fail in evil villainry.

You can't have cult followings or pyramid schemes and be ultimately successful. You might be a terribly evil genius, yes, but you will still ultimately fail. Because someone knows.

You are the only one who can know. If anyone ever traces anything back to you for any reason whatsoever, that is fail. If you go blabbing, it's uber fail. If you actually organize, that's so facepalm fail that you wind up being the example of how to fail.

Needing to spill is the greatest weakness.

Conversely, using spill to bait, using truth and vulnerability to snap the trap, and please understand I don't mean being fake vulnerability or acting here, but literally allowing yourself to be stabbed in the back as part of the revenge, now that is heritage cognac level evil villainry.

And let's be honest. Half of you reading this just compared notes, and the other half thought of people you fear. We're not talking about Penguin level leverage and fail here, although I'd love to get hold of a few writers and shake them. We are talking every day people. Everyone holds a grudge, and half of you want to do something about it.

So the key to success is staying quiet. Winning is the actual success. Define what winning is. This is where I am so keenly disappointed in most people that I can barely take anyone seriously. Winning isn't about squashing someone like a bug. Winning is about quietly creating what you'd really like to see happen. People who succumb to thinking that bug squashing means happiness and freedom are pathetic losers and don't deserve to win anyway. Winning is about fixing the problem that creates the bugs in the first place. You don't want a bug? Turn that whole person or situation into a not-bug. Don't make it someone else's problem. Make it not a problem at all.

I know, some of you are actually thinking about killing, maiming, or at least making someone cry as a solution. NO. That's not the solution. The solution isn't about removing or screwing with anyone or anything. Winning isn't about making everything else around it worse. Your scope of vision is far too narrow if that's how you are problem solving.

The whole reason this came up is because I keep running into successions of writing prompts, writing tips, writing memes, writing flaws, and so on ad nauseam. Everyone has the answer to how to make a better villain in a story. The problem with stories is that villains lose. Even if they are winning big for a very long time, they still lose.

The biggest writing fail of our times is making the villain lovable, giving the villain an out. Villains come to their senses, they are seduced by cuteness and some kind of love, they are just sad stories at the core like the rest of us. They are human. NO. A truly evil despicable villain is so unlovable, so broken, so ruined and cruel and obnoxiously loathsome that no one could ever really *care* about that person in their wildest dreams.

Case in point, Gollum. The very best you can do is barely take a little faint pity on the guy once being a simple soul. The rest is pure foul hatred that there is no coming back from. He would never dream of taking on an apprentice, like Palpatine does. The Emperor is a doddering grandfather compared to Gollum. Let's see Palpatine pull off the biggest power heist of the universe with no Senate support, and no Force. Nothing stopped Gollum, and dang if he didn't actually have the Ring back by the time it was over. The Ring itself couldn't stop him from utterly annihilating it with his twisted love.

It's cute to make villains adorable or fashionable or something fondishly cool to be a fan of, like Pixel. Why are we doing this to stories nowadays? Why are villains doing Disney showtunes? Why is Luna Girl the kind of brat we all dream of being deep down inside?

Writer gods forgive me for slamming tips back before I'm officially published, but if you can't Khan your villain into some level of unforgivable, I just can't myself. I can't read or watch stuff that has me feeling warm fuzzies for the super villain without the entire story caving in. If I'm hoping the villain wins, it's either because the story is some genre of mockery or the story is that bad.

Draw a hard line over which your morals don't step around your villains. Make your villains so hateable that no one ever forgets them. Drop the cute and hurt yourself writing what the hell happened. Some of us are out here depending on you to stop slathering evil with fun bathtub coloring soaps. And glitter. Stop that.

Evil needs to be evil. Because that is what evil is. Anything less is propaganda. Something to think about.

Juan fine day


What blogger says about visitors in the last 24 hours.

What google analytics says about visitors in the last 7 days.

Which one am I supposed to believe?

Twitter is still telling me no one sees my stuff. Oh, wait, something slipped through...

Lol, twitter absolutely refused to show me this till now. It kept insisting not a soul cared that my troll bait backfire existed in the same reality as anyone else but my troll.

The media engagements. 😉 Thank you, troll, for inspiring more eyes on. You rock. That was the whole reason I wrote out Charlie's name.

Again, I know some of you pretty immediately click every blog post I link, and I know you are wanting more info. I check this one every day Intel (inteldinarchronicles.blogspot.com), and especially Judy Byington, Ben Fulford, and here is one today I really like "JC Kay Tree Whisperer Transcripts: JFK, Diana and the Blazing New Light" by Kat - 4.11.21 ~ Intel (inteldinarchronicles.blogspot.com).

Some of the posts I find on that blog have many links back to sources and lots more information. Some of the people blogging there go back years blogging about all this what feels like very slow progress, but remember, they're 'rewiring the whole planet', according to JFK Jr's telegram.

I know it's hard to think outside our lifelong ruts. It's hard not to think in terms of taxes and laws and systems that have always kept our minds pointed toward the grumbling acceptance of our noses at the grindstone, our hardships unnumbered, as it were. It's hard to stay focused on the planet being purged of trafficking, of government sanctioned underground (literally) crimes against humanity for profit, of the huge planetary audit and reboot going on. Without our screens showing us in real time reports from the field about the GCR/RV, it's difficult imagining what it's really like for the people managing this massive scale situation with the militaries and banks and world court sessions. Those of us who believe are keeping faith in very scant threads of information over what feels like a long stretch of time, that the President of the Republic is really rescuing us from the 'DC swamp rats' and still working around and through assassination attempts.

It sometimes feels imaginary, but we're to the point now where we so strongly want this imaginary world that we'll stand up for it no matter even if anyone could solidly disprove it. We're done with the old ways, the old sad world, our old futures of scary portent with no escape.

This is the escape plan. It's happening, and all we need to do is keep waiting patiently, keep each other encouraged, keep living joyfully and thankfully in the knowledge that we'll soon see all this changing.

Saturday, April 10, 2021

reality unleashed

 Starting my day off with a little bit of color.

Usually by dogwood season I am just a mess of allergies, April consistently being my worst allergy season ever. Not this year! My allergies are so mild that I'm barely doing anything about them. My body seems to be really calming down. Guess we'll see what happens when the oaks surge forth.

It's nearly citywide yard sale season, whole area for a hundred miles gets in on it, all the little towns and the metro areas turn into a regional mecca of come see what I'm cleaning out of my house. Our daughter is running one this year, so we've started gathering stuff to take over there, cleaning out the basement especially. I'm pretty thrilled that I can move my last stereo system out since I upgraded last year, finally got the whole mp3 setup I'd wanted for years. Purging closets, drawers, walls. I know, right, too bad you guys can't come to the yard sales. I know, right, I suck for being too lazy to ebay. I used to joke about mailing out my pre-owned stuff to readers, like from my vast novelty sox collection, but seriously, way too lazy to pursue those dreams.

Click this next for the post it came from.

That reminds me of something I wrote back in 2008 on my bluejacky blog called Synchronicity II- Reality Unleashed. It's the part about the turtle sunning itself on a log when you get to it.

I think the hardest part for us to grasp in the whole quantum thing is that our car batteries still die even when we don't observe that we've left the dome light on all night.

The second hardest part for us to grasp is the reality in our heads not necessarily being the reality outside of them, although most of us can usually come pretty close to describing the same basic thing.  However, this stops working when something like a person crazed with jealousy is determined that a spouse or partner is cheating when they are not.  Sometimes what's in one person's head just isn't in anyone else's.  Like drugs or something.

Little kids have to learn to synchronize their 'realities'.  We learn as toddlers and early grade schoolers what personal space is, that we don't make the rules, that becoming a group doesn't take away our pride in our individual achievements.  We learn that there is shame and guilt and hopes and dreams.

Then when we hit middle age we review everything we've learned and have to untangle it all before we move on, because if we don't, we get caught up in a selfish 'stupidity' phase that crashes other realities around us.  Some of us become 5 again.

I have figured out that it all boils down to selfish vs. selfless.  Learning to say please and thank you.  Validating other people's feelings and experiences while we learn to gracefully apologize for the pain we put others through at various times in our lives.  Through everything else we do all day long for years and years, this seems to underlie everything else.

Simple, right?  You'd be surprised how many people don't get this until they wind up in AA.  People who never drink sometimes never learn this at all, despite very elaborate belief systems spelling it all out.  I've never been to AA myself.  I just seem to keep having to learn everything the hard way (yes, even addiction), and being aspie, I tend to think a little too much about it.

Before you blow me off, I've done it all, too.  20 years of insomnia while kids grew up.  Evil bosses and anything and everything going wrong all at once.  Realizing that my idea of being nice was ignoramous shallowness.  Actually believing Crestor was the answer.

What's it all for?  Why are we here?  Personally, I think it's so we can learn to appreciate.  And to learn to be strong in the dark and stand steady when it seems everything else around us is 'falling apart'.

Why am I saying this?  Why is it important?  And what the heck does this have to do with synchronicity and physics and selves?

Some of us scifi junkies are already used to the idea of alt selves in all conceivable alt worlds, which nulls the concept of responsibility for our actions.  If I am simply living in one aspect of all possibilities, does it matter what I do?  Whatever I do in this world, it will simply be different from all the other possibilities.  It will have no other significance or meaning in the 'big scheme of things'.  Because there is no big scheme, just some runaway Alice in Wonderland funhouse full of mirrors.

Terry Pratchett introduced a character, a witch who was able to use mirrors to change reality.  But when a sister witch asked her near the end of the book which one was really her, she ran searching through all the mirrors, unable to ascertain who 'she' was.  The sister shrugged and walked off, knowing that THIS is 'me'.  No matter how many worlds might be 'out there' or what we might be able to concoct in our heads about ourselves, who we really are is standing right here.  It's not our clothes or makeup or what we own, it's not who we pretend to be with attitudes and accomplishments.  Stripped down to our naked souls, who we are is either cruel or kind, craving or content, stubbornly closed off or open to learning.  It is NOT happy or sad.  For some reason we've got this notion in our heads that our quality of lives on this earth depends on some kind of happiness level.  That only leads to the selfish vs. selfless thing I mentioned.  If you have to be 'happy' to be fulfilled, you are missing a really big boat in the sea of spiritual life.  All it takes for *me* to be happy is half a vicodin.  For others it might be a margarita.  See the problem?  All happy can ever be is a gauge against 'unhappy'.  Those are simply tools our minds use to assess that we have internal conflict, and easily disposed of.  It is not the goal itself.

I said in my last Synchronicity post that our bodies teach us.  Our bodies know exactly who *they* are.  They are well grounded and rebound off the walls, no matter how much actual space is between the atoms in our bodies and the walls.  It's like playing one of those Mario games where you're looking over Mario's shoulder and telling him where to go, but since you're behind him he never sees you.  His 'body' follows all the rules- it can't walk through brick walls, it falls short on impossible leaps across chasms, it can't fly or run upside down unless it has some kind of help.  Our own bodies operate like that, within preset parameters.  That's why it's impossible to float through the house when we sprain an ankle.

What our bodies CAN do is sacrifice their lives for us.  We use our bodies the same way a rider uses a horse.  A rider can keep a horse running until it literally drops and dies.  That's what some of us do with alcohol and drugs, or crazy lifestyles that require constant activity and sacrifice, or even crazier lifestyles of uber neglect.  Our bodies will do everything in their power to serve us until they literally just can't any more.  Do we care?  We get mad at our bodies.  They hurt and keep us from doing everything we want to do.  They aren't pretty enough for us, so we punish them with starvation.  Or we take advantage of our bodies, using them for pleasure to the point of emotional gluttony while we use food, sex, and drugs to get 'high'.  When this gets out of hand, other people actually die for our pleasure.  Sex abuse is bad enough, but having to cover it up in monstrous ways completely makes my point.

In the end, we learn that when we abuse our bodies, we abuse ourselves, our souls.  When we 'let go', as in Eastern religions, Christianity, and The Force, we synchronize our spiritual selves with our physical selves.  Letting go is scary.  We misinterpret it as 'death'.  Death of addiction, death of being in a rut, death of a way of thinking and behaving.  Sometimes actual death.

'Mental health' is a radical new concept in human history.  What is mental health?  All things considered, mental health is being able to successfully integrate our physical world with our emotional and spiritual worlds.  Mental health is being able to objectively assess who we are, where we are, and apply that assessment to how we are.  When we schism or skew from this balance, we become 'unhealthy'.  We get caught in obsession, trauma, or emotion, and aren't able to successfully 'move on' with reality.  Up until the last couple of hundred years, the only people remotely interested in mental health were mystics, priests, and I'm not going to list all the 'oddballs' that have shown up throughout history.  My favorites are the old testament prophets, with the balls to go up against entire oppressive social systems that used and abused religion to establish controlled institutionalized cultures.  Interestingly, this kind of rebellion is at the root of nearly all organized religions on the planet.  But once they organize, they again become institutionalized oppression.

So where are we on the mental health scale nowadays?  It seems like the more access we have to information and knowledge, the more frightened people become and turn to alternate 'answers'.

This is an excerpt from a private post I made on another blog last year.  I can't link to the post because it contains other things that are more personal, but I will share this part.  Think of this as a continuation of thought from my last Synchronicity post and the way we 'run into' each other out of the blue and have unusual experiences.

Escape to Witch Mountain and Return to Witch Mountain are on the Hallmark channel this morning.  Those were about my all-time fave movies growing up.  I always felt so alienated from my own parents, I wished all the time I really did come from someplace else.

Ran into a woman in Walmart Friday, very unusual experience.  She asked about my earrings, which looked Indian, and said she had lived in New Mexico.  I said I grew up in New Mexico, and from there we talked over an hour.  Not the usual talk.  It was almost like we were comparing notes, checking to see that we're on the right track or something.  She is a nurse and teacher and married to a physicist that works in the military, so they move around, and she is very into Native American spiritualism, raised Catholic, into energy healing through acupuncture, etc. Very emotional, the opposite of me.  Sounds like she'd done some really cool stuff, including a sweat lodge ceremony, but kept mentioning how everything affected her so deeply, so I told her she was born with the burden of feeling very deeply in this life, and many people don't understand that truly is a burden.  Saying that had so much meaning and validation for this woman that she hugged me and thanked me for understanding, because she always wondered what was 'wrong' with her for things to affect her so deeply, and she kept running into others who confessed that her deep feelings and tears helped them make monumental life changing decisions themselves.  She knew it meant something, but what?

I have been tuned into synchronicity for most of my life, and not because I ever knew what the heck it meant.  I seem to have an edge or something.  I see things others don't, and I've never known why.  When people like this (who are very open to spiritual awareness) run into me, they automatically 'recognize' me and cannonball right into a whirlwind of crash counseling.  It seems that since I am so able to speak openly without judgment or emotion, that frees them to be so completely honest about themselves that they spill their lives to me without reservation.  Over time I've learned to expect this, and even though I'm aspie and naturally cringe from human contact, I have a strong feeling I really am 'somebody' that these people recognize somehow, and that I am meant to help them assess where they are and how they're doing on whatever they are learning in this life.  That seems to be what I have a knack for.  I ask questions in all the right places, point out things that are obvious to me but not them, and I'm getting really good at helping them zoom out and see a bigger picture in the shortest possible amount of time, since we never see each other again.  We instantly know somehow that we're not 'friends' in this life, but we 'know' each other, and dang I can't tell you how many times this has literally happened to me.  I no longer question it.  It just happens.

We all have our spiritual challenges, and hers is handling the deep feelings of herself and others around her.  I myself am cushioned from that through the Asperger's, and even though I have deep feelings, I easily divorce myself from being emotionally caught up.  I don't know that either way is better than the other, but we certainly live on opposite ends of that spectrum.  But it was very cool feeling so synchronized within seconds with a total stranger, talking about things we'd learned in this life as if we were meant to meet up and compare notes.  I told her I grew up basically Mennonite but had progressed into a sociology/anthropology degree and self taught physics, and that I'm feeling like there is way more to God than the simplistic religions we follow, and that it's counter intuitive to keep God at a shallower level than even we live ourselves.  God is far too commercialized and stereotyped to be God any more, and mass religion has become a social science taught to young pastors in college.  I think there is a new movement trying to get away from that, seen as evil by mainstream Christianity, to the point where American Christians have become almost as closed minded and dangerous as zealot Muslims.  (Bombing of abortion clinics, for instance.)  I agreed with this woman that the only thing that can save our nation from complete downfall is getting back to the simple spiritual roots and connection to God that the Native American Indians felt all along.

Total stranger.  She put great stock by the coincidence.  I don't think anything is truly coincidental.

I've noticed that we seem to measure our progress with symbolism.  Some people are into crystals, this woman was into turquoise and told me of a special collection she has that carries deep significance.  I was very attracted to turquoise growing up (I'm really into blue) and kept a secret stone with me for years.  But I realized before I reached adulthood that hanging onto pieces of earth or sky is just symbolism.  We can let go of the real objects, because they only represent the deeper meanings within.  They trigger feelings and thoughts, sometimes memories, but they aren't to be hung onto until death.  We are here to learn, and then we let go.  Of everything.  Even a diamond in a ring is just a chip of rock and a strip of metal.  It may be a representation, and it may have great meaning, but in the end, if that means more than the actual love we give to someone (look at all the divorces...), then it's just junk.  I think it's sad that people can put more meaning into rocks than they do the people in front of them.  I understand the attraction to turquoise and crystals (or pink feldspar  heehee) because I really like geology and the history of rock formation, but whatever energy flows through them and us is easily channeled just by letting go of negativity and relaxing, whether we are conscious of it or not.  I don't think it's necessary to be conscious of it.  We should be more aware of how we hurt and neglect each other than how energy flows through a rock.  This is where the Buddha failed to open the seal in Revelations.  (Many tried.)  It had to be someone who was willing to let go of everything ~for love~.  Not just let go of everything, period.  I don't think it matters whether this is mythology or 'real'.  The truth behind it is the point.

I feel very tied to this earth.  I love the moon cycles, I love the weather cycles, the growing cycles, the ancient history of rocks.  My body is of this earth.  But my spirit isn't.  I love being here and feeling it.  But if I teach my spirit to hang onto things of this earth as powerful symbols, like a rock, then my spirit is missing the lessons we learn from letting go.  Part of our fear is letting go and moving on.  We hang on to things in our past or our present with fear and the dread of losing something we let go of instead of moving forward with confidence.  If God has truly created all this, nothing will ever be lost.  Us hanging onto something won't preserve it.  It will be preserved always.  Everything we do or experience will always be a part of us, whether we are physically hanging onto it or not.

I wasn't able to tell this woman that.  I didn't think she was ready to hear it.  I think she still needs her 'teddy bear', and I don't say that condescendingly.  I know it's hard walking without a comfort of some kind.  She has a lot of fear and depends on not only a strong support network but material things and the guise of spiritual healing.  As we go forward it eventually all falls off, until we are naked before God.

A little deep today...

But that's what I believe.  When all is said and done, it all boils down to us and God.  I know he loves us, but he's training us to become strong.  Part of becoming strong is being stripped of comfort and learning to walk alone, still being able to truly love without the reward or promise of having that love back.  I know we're never truly alone, but I mean without any social support.  I have been challenged through this whole life being stripped of comfort and walking alone, and I think the joy I've learned is deeper for it, and things I've learned about love and forgiveness and self sacrifice make more sense than to someone who hasn't suffered this kind of challenge.  I still have a ways to go, but at least I'm not moving backward.  I think it's important that we learn we are the ones who create the love we search for.  We become what others need, whether we ever get it for ourselves or not.  It's possible to love completely without being loved back.

It's enough that most people go through fear and loss, crippling illness and disfigurement, abuse, horrible disillusionment.  Some have more to carry, some have less.  But I see that we all carry pain and sorrow in some way, and that we all have the opportunity to become strong and learn joy that we'd never have known if our eyes weren't opened in this fashion.

We are to learn to be content with who we are and what we have.  We are to wait patiently for God.  We are to enjoy the gifts the earth gives us to survive, like food and water.  And we are to learn to forgive others for not being like us or what we think they should be.  Beyond that, it's all distraction.

I don't know why that woman zeroed in on me, but I gave her a big hug and enjoyed listening to her and asking her questions.  I'll probably never see her again.  I hope it helped her.  I'm not sure what she needed from me, but I think she felt validated and relieved to talk.

Some of you might have caught that I'm kind of into a holistic religion thing.  I don't think eastern and western religions are that different from each other, just like me and this woman aren't that different, even though we've lived very different lives and have very different ways of looking at things.  Our conclusions are the same.  It's better to live positively than negatively.  It's better to care about others than not.  'God', in whatever form you hold him, is a constant that has never left the human consciousness.  Forgiveness is better than holding grudges.  Kindness is better than being harsh.  In the common human experience, we are all heading the same direction.  I don't think it matters if you believe in multiple lives or cold hard science.  What matters is that we care about the people in front of us in spite of how we are different or what we believe.  When we stop caring, we inflict pain or neglect, and that in ANY religion is bad.

I live in the bible belt.  I have seen more religious persecution and abuse by common Christians than anyone else they say inflicts them.  This woman I spoke with was so astounded that she could speak freely in a Walmart, of all places, that you'd think we lived in a society where freedom of speech and the right to practice religion didn't exist.  That's how you live around Christians in my area.  I grew up Christian, I'm still Christian, but I can't sit in a denominational church and pretend that's right.  The brainwashing that goes on is incredible.  I'm surprised the local city Assembly doesn't hand out koolaid during their huge July 4th extravaganzas that draw upwards of 30-40,000 people.  The same enthusiastic people who put on those shows will turn their backs and walk away when a student is nearly beaten to death by a bible group on a public college campus for wearing a Batman t-shirt.

I wasn't kidding about that.  I live in a religious war zone.   My own neighborhood drove a black family out just a few years ago, and it's not just because this is a rich neighborhood.  The KKK is alive and well, in spite of what people think.  Some people in these parts are so superstitious that they think science is ruining us.  They refuse to get shots for their kids.  I could go on and on.  The unspoken fear and violence is ridiculous, in spite of living in such a modern age on the verge of comprehending what world peace could be all about.

Ok, back to here and now.

I know this world looks like a pretty crappy place sometimes.  There are people on this earth who have watched their children go through agonizing illness and death.  There are people who lost parents as children themselves and felt lost and angry.  There are people who are laying in rows of beds having chemotherapy treatments.  There are people starving to death during famines right now.  There are people in prisons being beaten nearly to death knowing that they'll never see their families again.  There are people committing suicide all over this planet because they feel they have no hope, no future, no one who cares.  Why am I saying this?  I'm not a softie who sheds a tear for the sufferings of mankind.  Neither am I a literalist saying this is all a waste.

And it's not just that.  Some of us have ourselves been through physical and emotional abuse that would curl some peoples' hair.  Some of us have been through illness and sadness that would take down the strongest titan.  Some of us know what it feels like to suffer without end, to anguish without comfort, and to regret without forgiveness.  Life on this planet is truly horrific if you look at it from certain angles.  But along with the truly horrific comes the 'waking up'.

When something feels good, we don't change.  We don't think about anything else.  It's like being a turtle sunning on a log over a pond.  As long as a good feeling is there, we don't move.  We could stay like that forever, basking in feeling good.  It wouldn't matter if something across the pond was flailing around for some reason, as long as it wasn't interrupting what feels good to us, no problem.

What wakes us up?  Suddenly the sun is too hot and we've got to flip off the log back into the water.  Or our stomachs growl to the point where basking no longer feels that good.  What wakes us up is discontent.  What wakes us up even more is when whatever caused the flailing across the pond comes to our side and either starts us flailing or eats whatever we were going to eat.  Discontent becomes emotional.  Emotion helps us deal with the disruption.  We either fear and run, or grow enraged and attack.  We want to bring the balance and good feeling back.  Sometimes we have to fight for it.  This world seems to be specifically geared to create discontent and misery.  Those are what drive us to move, to think, to act.

That was about as simplistic as it gets, wasn't it?  But that's where it all starts.  We are a world of extremely discontented people, jealous of a few of the people who 'have it all' or who get to be powerful.  We feel angry, fearful, and a whole bunch of other feelings about not being able to control a lot of things in our lives.  We hang onto symbols and beliefs to 'get us through' when times seem hard.  This is where 'letting go' begins.  This is the kind of stuff Buddha and Yoda and Jesus and Mr. Spock and a bunch of others were going on about.

We are the ones who hold ourselves back.  It's not the government, it's not our neighbors, it's not our parents, it's not our bosses.  We are the ones who act and react.  Some of us got more out of Vulcans and Jedi growing up than we did going to church, and as far as I'm concerned, if we have to create mythology to survive modern thinking, so be it.  If it helps us follow the same path we were meant to be on anyway, so be it.  Because all of this is already inside of us.  This is what we feel as synchronicity.  This is us waking up and noticing who we are in this 'reality' we are in.

We're almost done.   

I wrote a post a few months ago called Stars on a blue spectrum where I wind up saying what I remember and want to get back to is ~joy~.  Anyone following this blog knows I'm anti-happy.  I think it's a very misleading concept.  But what I am is pro-joy.  I think joy is a much more intense happiness, a delightful happiness, a bliss not contingent on a thing or event.  Joy comes from within.  I believe joy is where we come from and go back to.  I also believe that we are meant to be more than just content to soak up a little sun.  Anyone who is born and dies on this planet is ~special~.  This is the *hard* class.  This is the class where we really get thrown into the grit and have a chance to come out with much more than those little gold stars we used to get in the 3rd grade on those timed addition tests.  This world is an icon of challenge, and everything in it is geared to channel us to think and be and do.  All our greatest stories, myths, legends, and movies are about personal challenge, trials and tribulations, and either growth or tragedy.  Our physical bodies are perfect places for spiritual minds to develop.

What wakes us up?


Friday, April 9, 2021

it was complicated


Wonder how many tuberculosis deaths have flown under the radar as covid this year. That's a scary thought.

This intel stuff has been around for years, per Global Currency Reset & RV News – Galactic Friends. When you compare that to today's intel post Restored Republic via a GCR: Update as of April 9, 2021 ~ Intel (inteldinarchronicles.blogspot.com), you can see the inch-by-inch gain they've been sweating over through neverending court battles and wrangling paperwork.

Today's post, though, includes 



I sure hope so. I'm tired just keeping up reading all that stuff, can barely even imagine the diligence among the people involved in all that.

The Mossad satellites were shot down by Trump-military-Space Force assets in order to stop Deep State interference with Alliance communications (including the Starlink quantum internet 123 satellites and their comm’s) during the RV/GCR release.

The rats were still trying to start WWIII in Ukraine but Putin and Trump were saying NO.

So those were satellites falling, not meteors.

And I gave you evidence recently of that war.

This new laptop is very commandeering over all the tech I own and keeps trying to get me to sync it all and assures me it can manage all my stuff for me, but I have heard rumors that the cloud will be 'going away', among other things, and I feel like my tech wanting to manage my life is actually programmers being paid to keep us all under rigid surveillance, so I haven't been linking out as often as I used to. This little piece of tech doesn't need to be in charge of all my accounts without me telling it what I want. I haven't been logging into my old laptop much lately, and it seems like this little laptop is having a panic attack over that sometimes. The old laptop has no battery, either, so no geolocation, no clock syncing with the world... It's like I went AWOL or something.

These click out.


Welp, back to Elvenar. It has helped me mostly stay off medias because it's hard not to want to fight it out with stupid accounts that have nothing better to do. I troll baited earlier this week, and of course that was stupid, but I'm. so. bored. I could tell it irked them when I ran off and didn't come back because when I finally did come back it had gotten ugly enough to report as slander, harassment, and bullying to force compliance. See, good guys don't do that. You can tell a bad guy account posing as a good guy account when they get ugly. That's kinda why I troll baited, kinda like the way we caught a fox on the backyard camera in a bright spotlight. I'm not into out-gaming trolls, but once in awhile I still cave to baiting, and I know I need to stop that.

I've discovered a new channel to chill out on since we have a new grandbaby coming around now. 😂 Tell me this isn't absolutely hypnotizing. It feels really good to my brain.

Thursday, April 8, 2021

I think all our minds have been wrapped in checkerboard for a very long time


Woke up from a dream this morning as someone in the dream was saying something about "artistralia", which was intriguing since I'd never heard that word before. Had to run errands this morning, but I just remembered I wanted to throw that into search and see if it's a thing.

It is. This snip clicks out. 

Why am I not surprised to see furniture. 😑

You know me, I started wandering through, clicking around like you do, and wound up in checkerboard hell when I hit Perigold. (Get it? Hit gold. Nevermind.)

I mean, it's cool stuff, just I'm so burned out on that level of 'nice' being associated with very dark family lines, knowutImean.

And then I blundered into Fergal the Frog.

Before I go any further, I'm going to share with you guys that I've been clipping out the extended parts of the web search addresses, the cvid stuff, because you don't need to know my computer ID. When you put something into search, notice that the address that comes up might have &cvid in it and shortly afterward you might see your computer type and IP after qs or query source.

Did you know that "cvid" is that embedded into our lives? The whole 'covid' thing is a very lengthy elaborate joke on us, the the more it's in our faces and carved and etched into everything around us, the more blind we become to it. Illness slang looks like old computer slang, if you think about it. Seriously, put it into search.

Just like computer viruses.

By the way, if you scroll down in that last search with Fergal, you wind up in Wayfair. Just pointing that out.

Oh, look, CVID and covid.

Do you feel like you've come full circle yet? I feel like we're caught in a weird reality maze or something.

Ok, that was fun, where were we?

Got it? Good.

Because now you can start noticing all the movies and TV shows that have checkerboard patterns somewhere in them.

Like this one. Clicks back to my review.

Welp, I've got more errands to run, gotta dash. Here, take a braincation from checkerboard. You're welcome.

Wednesday, April 7, 2021

RIP coffee maker


click for ebay

Not sure how long we had that coffee maker, guessing at least 20 years. We've had osmosis water filtration about that long, too, so cleaning with vinegar to get the mineral buildup off wasn't necessary. No, that one clicking out isn't ours. It's an identical very nice barely used model that is really probably worth way more than $80 because they haven't made those in years. No, our cord has been taped up for awhile and finally caught on fire, plus the clock hasn't worked in forever, plus a few other little fixes, so it's going to be a huge void in our lives.

I've already been looking through a few dotcoms and have decided to hit a Walmart personally tomorrow to see how much that cuts down cost on a programmable yet simple model that doesn't actually start my laundry and go feed the chickens. I'd just love someone to create another under the cabinet without a water hookup. We looked high and low for those one year and felt very sad how passing a trend something that simple was. Anyway, I chopped $20 off one I liked last night browsing online just switching dotcoms, perks on the stove like the olden days only it's spiffily a little more modern and, again, simple. If I can find it in a box store, I don't have to wait for delivery.

In the meantime, we're using a smaller guy I bought for backup just in case and had stored in the closet. Just really glad this last one didn't burn our house down. Pretty handy Scott was right there when it literally flamed up. I have black streaks on my white wall.

I should probably refresh more of our electronics. We've had so many storm surges over the years, no telling what will go next. Our microwave is as old as the kids, and they've already got kids of their own. Not a clue why it still works great, but we've had it upside down vacuuming out the little grill vents occasionally during deep cleaning sessions, so maybe we're just fastidious and very, very frugal.

And I guess that is why we can have nice things. At least, it looks like it. I'm enjoying a rainy day, cozy on the inside. It's been darkish most of the day, little bit of lightning, mostly organizing my thoughts for a day out shopping tomorrow.

Because dang.

Totally for real. We've got eggs and cans of tuna for backup in case the world crashes or something. Me and tuna go way back.

Playing with filters again. Wound up realizing just how much Scrubs I need to marathon through for my #TomCavanaghWatch because I ignored it so badly when my daughter was still living here, and I'm just shaking my head but admiring that Dr. Kelso nailed so much monologue. Also, I somehow missed Ralphie being in so many episodes and started noticing other background regulars. After about a week of sporadic watchathons, it hit me how terribly depressing the show is behind all the humor, and I bet that's why I left the room so much when the show was still fresh. I mostly watched with my daughter the same way some men watch sports with sons, basically I really suck at small talk and emotionally invested interaction. Turned out years later when we were on the phone and I mentioned I was doing a search for Pariah on The Flash because of rumors it might be Tom Cavanagh, she knew exactly who that was without having seen The Flash and I never remembered him from Scrubs, so that right there tells you where my head is on the scifi/comics litmus scale of popular television.

Anyway, I start season 3 next, and I don't know why this even popped into my head, but I started wondering today if anyone has ever thought to do a Tom Cavanagh vs Jeff Goldblum writeup, and so far I'm not finding anything, although I did run into one person saying you could switch Tom for Jeff if it was a certain character (check this cached page), which had me looking off into space like J.D. on scrubs imaging out a sort of celebrity wrestling on set to get their lines in first.

Honestly, I can't imagine the two of them in the same film without some kind of major fan group explosion, but I decided to hit my ever trusty go-to Oracle of Bacon to see where they fall in their careers, and was shocked not to see Cavanagh pop up at all on the list of Toms that popped up when I moused over.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? Welp, surely he'll pop up now, I'm plugging his name in.

And here we go, I had no idea.

And the link there goes to this wikipedia page. 

Pittsburgh (2006 film)

And I just found it on amazon, so.

Ok, then. Things you learn rambling on a blog on a rainy day.

What else is happening around here? 

Won this sweet little build in the spire.

Not sure yet if I'll keep it beyond its 50 day expiry.

Also this. It might be pertinent to pay attention to people who keep trying to share this stuff against it being removed over and over. Why is it so important to cancel this?


In case blogger or some other reason doesn't let you see that, go to this link.


I have a feeling the biggest celebrity on the planet is going to be showing up sometime this year. I keep hearing rumors.

For some reason, Lithuania took a huge interest in that post on Feb. 28th of this year. Both the post link and general blog link went a little viral for some reason

In case you might not have a clue what in the world Lithuania and JFK Jr might have in common, the world of politics was exploding right about that time in their area. This snip will click out to the page it refers to.

The ship that blocked the Suez Canal is part of the mess, since heavy weapons were captured during that search, along with over a thousand dead people and over another thousand people being trafficked, which I linked on twitter, but the screenshot will click to the link I tweeted.

You know what I think? I think Juan O Savin is JFK Jr and that he's eyeball deep on all this political stuff going on behind the scenes, and the deep state has been terrified of him ever since Trump got in and started writing executive orders.

And I think we've been watching a world scale military op leaking us info around treason-complicit mainstream medias blocking what's really going on so we'll stay docile and stupid.

And I think the wealthiest people all over the planet are getting their asses handed to them, because it takes wealthy people like Trump and JFK Jr to beat filthy wealthy vampire families who run everything behind all the curtains.

And I think I have never enjoyed being alive on this planet as much as I have these last few years watching all this roll out.

And if you're just now joining me and don't know what the heck you've been missing, start digging back for all the links I've shared. LEARN.

Gotta run, Scott is on his way home from work now and I need to start supper. Here's a good way to start catching up.