I was waiting in a patient room for another steroid shot in my thumb yesterday before rescheduling a trigger release when I noticed an odd thing happening in the mirror across the room and slightly to the left. I wasn't in the reflection, mostly only showing where cream and sage colored walls met in a corner. Along the line down between the two colors was a constant slightly undulating distortion. I didn't notice it for awhile, but when I did, I couldn't not see it. Well, except when I looked directly at it, then it was fine.

So that got me wondering why it happened when I didn't focus directly on it. Was the mirror almost imperceptably vibrating? Because that would be really hard to see if only blank walls were being reflected, so I set about figuring out how to refocus so I was looking at the mirror and not into it. I couldn't tell for sure what was really moving.

When I looked a little off to the right on another object on the wall, the line of undulation where the wall colors met seemed pretty strong, easily detectable. So I moved my eyes all around the mirror and discovered that didn't hold true for any other off focus spot on the wall around the mirror. It was really tricky finding the exact right spot again to see that happening.

Over a couple more minutes I figured out it might be my own eyes, so I closed them each one at a time trying to see if one of my eyes might be slightly jerky, but quickly ruled that out, although the small area to the right of the mirror held constant for showing me that the cream and sage had a distinct phasing in and out visual along the line.

Pretty quickly after that, I thought about how my brain fills in my visual stimuli onto a simulated visual in my brain, because what we think of as seeing something is really our brains reconstructing frequency signals into a 'picture' that we then use to assess spatial distances and other things around us. What if, for some reason, my brain couldn't reconfigure the exact line where the two colors were meeting in the reflection in the mirror?

So I played tricks with my eyes seeing if I could enhance that weird effect or possibly resolve it, but as long as I sat where I was sitting without changing anything but where I focused my eyes, that issue clearly held steady as a rock at very particular focal points that located that line just off center on my left. I really do think that small area fuzzing up was my brain feeling a bit unclear about establishing that reflection as a solid, because I had no problem whatsoever with the colors in the actual real walls meeting up.

That or I was seeing something cool like an alt dimension or something. 😁 But I kinda doubt it. Besides, if that is the case, then alt dimensions shimmer around us all the time and we aren't able to see them except under exacting circumstances. That kinda leads into the nature of reality itself not being what we think it is, which is basically, like I mentioned, a plethora of frequencies.

I've had opportunities for my mind to play many tricks on me. I ignore most of them because I've lived nearly 60 years without being able to resolve most of it into much of anything besides some kind of vague paranormal experience, which is entirely too easily fallen into as a 'reason' something is happening, and because I've also had enough weird brain experiences to realize that I'm lucky I'm perceiving things 'normally' at all.

My doggos high fiving after the last baddie went down.

We forgot to watch The Flash last night. I didn't realize how much pain I'd been tolerating in my hand again over the last 6 weeks. That shot into my lower thumb knuckle area was such a relief that I crawled into bed after I got home and crashed hard for nearly 2 hours. And then I was so wiped the rest of the day that I couldn't wait to go back to bed, and I think I was asleep before The Flash would even have been over. Definitely wanna follow through with that surgery this summer.

I've been on the brink of hand fail for many years, super lucky I've gotten as much back as I have. This is from 2014.

Told Scott this weird pressure I've been feeling the last couple of years to get my stuff done asap while I have time is starting to take form in my head. Yesterday I suddenly saw myself without my right hand, as if it had to be removed for some unforeseen reason, and that got me to thinking- all these years that I've been getting through and recovering from nervous system fail it never occurred to me that my next loss would be something other than my brain again. Other people have lost limbs to accidents, illness, infection- I use my hands so hard, every single day. Thousands of words, rotating stacked projects, keeping up with real life, through pain and numbness and literal fail while things drop and smash around me. It was an interesting direction for my thoughts to go- What if I literally can no longer type somewhere in the future? Yes, I've got to keep getting as much done as possible while I still can. Of course, if I were a Timelord I would just grow another hand.

Barring that actually happening, my friends on twitter would be happy to know my own family would encourage me to use Nelson in it's place...

Oh, here's a newish one. This really is a brilliant story.

Want your mind blown?

"You showed me what it's like to have a son," Eobard-Wells to Cisco.

Eobard was a designer baby in the future. He was so unhappy with his life that he went to great lengths above and beyond to change the past to reshape his future, and spent a lifetime trying to rectify failing to do that.

Imagine when he was saying that to Cisco, in his mind he was seeing his own father failing to care for him like he'd come to care for Cisco, and the anger he felt at that allowed him to lash out and kill Cisco, which is a really twisted expression of how Eobard felt about himself looking up at his own father while he's standing in the place of his father. That one scene could inspire discussion for days.

I can't help wondering about the possible lack of loving parents in Eobard's own designer baby life. I'm not saying they weren't good parents, but society was so different that I can't help feeling that they must have been emotionally estranged. Designer babies mean perfect babies. Eobard was so far from perfect that they had another child for him to practice social interaction on, which is a weird reason for another child to exist and speaks volumes about how the parents may have viewed their children. There is so much depth of pain in Eobard, so much repercussion even back on himself, and it keeps boiling back down to parents trying to create the perfect child. Eobard turns that into an extravagant string of attempts to create the perfect timeline for a perfect life without loved ones. Eobard did everything he could to turn himself into someone else, not someone else's designer creation, but his own creation.

So when Eobard became a sort of father figure to Nora learning how to use her natural born speed, he was, again, creating another Cisco moment. Nora was expendable in all his emotional mess, just as his own family originally was.

It just really struck me today that might have been why he said that to Cisco before he killed him, the shoulda-coulda-woulda stuff from his own past that pricked like a thorn. It would be easy for us to assume that last line to Cisco meant that Eobard had developed a fondness for him, and he may have, but it ultimately meant that Cisco helped illuminate the fails in Eobard's own father.

Is that as close as Eobard has come to making a real connection with anyone? Hard to say, but it's likely he did discover through Cisco how his own parent-child relationship was broken. Instead of healing through Cisco, which is usually how people heal from painful pasts, he disposed of him. What in Eobard's mind makes people disposable? It started when he was a boy and his parents had (paid for? designed?) another child in order to teach Eobard compassion. Wait, wut? Couldn't they teach that to him themselves???

Sorry about that, ran off to do many things, a couple of which resulted in a nice meatloaf dinner.

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