-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, Janika, Basically Clueless & this blog PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Thursday, December 31, 2020

ringing in 2021

Scott pointed out that the gingerbread cookie on our special Christmas gingerbread houses that we won with our postal keys on Elvenar is kinda naughty...

I got myself into a hot pickle mess today (12/29) on that game. I won a 10-hour 5x boost on workshop supply output and happily cranked up 5 of my workshops to max projects, essentially raking in thousands of supply points and maxed out my main hall storage so badly that I wound up spending hours stopping all production and spending down supplies on the slow grind of manual (not diamond purchased) upgrades. I'm still a noob. Sure came back to bite and wrecked my aesthetic city planning for awhile. Lesson learned. I wish I could backward italicize that. Yes, I looked at skew code and font squirrel and basically just wound up on free downloadable font pages like 1001fonts.com. If I were 20 years younger I'd have dived right into that.

Lol. Click on that to go there.

Now it's 12/30. 

My aesthetic city planning is finally back under control, and bonus, got my culture moved where I originally wanted it near the old armories.

Now I'm cranking my manufactories so I can upgrade the barracks. I woefully fought my armies down to nothing and I need to massively train if I'm going to keep playing the long, hard way.

~hours later~

This is a very cool vid if you're into weird thinking about consciousness and stuff.

Also, I've had Spock in my head for awhile today saying "Nothing unreal exists", so I finally put it in search and ๐Ÿ‘‰this person's blog post๐Ÿ‘ˆ is right at the top. If you're in the mood for a dash of dream logic, comments also have a little bit.

Cynism and sarcasm aside, hope 2021 rocks for you all, pretty sure it's gonna suck another couple months, but after that I'm going to bet that people will have had enough and get this sh*t figured out. I'm pretty done being told what to do and think and what I can't say around the internet. Stop expecting your govts to fix things, draw your lines and hold them, and stand up for what you believe in. When govt says you can't see family or go to church, something is really wrong with basic rights, and hating each other isn't how we fix this. 

Some people are really stepping up. We can call them crazy, or we can take note that they might just know what they're saying. This lady knows her legalese. She has a free pdf you can copy or download. If you pay attention to her vid series, she is showing us how to legally dismantle and restructure the laws, and as weird as some of it looks, it's all legal. If you like that idea, here is your intro to brand new thinking with real freedom from govt suppression.

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

2021 resolutions and the death of stupid covid, or something

So done with "hold my beer" thinking

Gonna share this again because it's important, from holy cow, google. You guys know I find all the really good stuff.

You can go there and download that documentary for free, been there since August. Dunno about you guys, but I'm really done with overlords yanking fear chains. 

And I'll just add this from this would be working better if they had thought of a funner way to control us because it's very pertinent.

With all this covid distraction, we are being trained to tune out what doesn't seem dire and to go on full alert over the word covid. Let's get real. If this had been a smallpox scenario, like in the real Dark Winter simulations, a third of the world would already have died off by now.

Smallpox, because of its high case-fatality rates and transmissibility, represents one of the most serious biological warfare threats to the civilian population. In 1980, the World Health Assembly announced that smallpox had been eradicated and recommended that all countries cease vaccination. Although labs in two countries still officially store smallpox samples (U.S. and Russia), its re-appearance would almost certainly indicate an intentional outbreak.

Aerosol release of smallpox virus disseminated among a relatively small population could result in a significant epidemic. Evidence suggests the infectious dose is very small. Several factors are cause for concern: the disease has historically been feared as one of the most serious of all pestilential diseases; it is physically disfiguring; it bears a 30 percent case-fatality rate; there is no treatment; it is communicable from person to person. Vaccination ceased in this country in 1972, and vaccination immunity acquired before that time has undoubtedly waned. Prior to eradication, data on smallpox outbreaks in Europe indicated that victims had the potential to infect 10 to 20 others. However, there has never been a smallpox outbreak in such a densely populated, highly mobile, unvaccinated population such as exists today.

In 1947, in response to a single case of smallpox in New York City, 6,350,000 people were immunized (500,000 in one day), including President Harry Truman. In 1972, after disappearing from Yugoslavia for four decades, a single case of smallpox emerged. There are two ways to control a smallpox epidemic - vaccine and isolation. Yugoslavia's Communist leader, Josip Tito, used both. He instituted a nation-wide quarantine, and immunized the entire country of 20 million people using vaccine supplied by the World Health Organization.

As you can see, the 'covid exercise' is not new. This is not a new thing. What has been going on this whole year is more like a test over world control than a real apocalypse. So many of us have become so immediately responsive to screens updating us all day long that we have become very malleable, as populations go.

You will not be told these things by the "news", but you can find them by researching. Which is what smart people really do, as opposed to just believing what billionaire owned company generated daily briefings teams tell people what to believe. Smart people check on these things because fact checking has been demonstrated to be billionaire owned, algorithmic, and supportive of billionaire owned media narrative.

My Resolutions List

  1. Allowed only $5 paypal/week on Elvenar ($20/month) {{I know this seems excessive but other players clearly burn through much more, which the game seems to be seductively designed around}}
  2. Schedule out a reading list, at least 1-2 books/month {{I'm old enough to remember wiping out entire school libraries and whole shelves in my local city library, which I knew by heart for years, oh how the world has changed}}
  3. Stay on track of health numbers {{glucose, carbs, sleep score, etc}} with monthly assessments documented on my calendar {{That works but covid masking bombed it by May last year because stupid allergy season and after that was a sinus slide into hell the rest of the year, time to get back on track}}
  4. Try out #coffeeupdate prescheduled posting to hold down length. {{Although length doesn't seem to deter some of you one little bitty bit.}}
  5. Don't worry, don't panic, trust my own intuition without fear and anxiety in the way, love my people, find things to enjoy doing, don't believe the 'news' at face value without fact checking for myself (a big chore against technocratic giants making this difficult and time consuming with their fancy schmancy algorithmic directives and codes), take responsibility for my actions, embrace my whole self, forgive the human race because we're all trapped, and pray for peaceful healing for the whole world.

This won the whole internet for me this year.

K, let's get to the nitty gritty. Will TV show filming continue as normal? Or will they keep blaming stuff on covid? We've had some really breaking stuff past couple weeks not showing up on the 'news' much, if at all...

:edit: Nothing like adding to a scheduled post after it goes live. Here you go, click pics for sources.

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

magic life gloves, maybe

That cracked me up. You think it's bad when a kitty falls asleep on you, try getting through this door without magic gloves.

And this week, while Scott's off work, we've been trapped in the house whenever he sees a tribe of wild turkeys hanging around the yard. He's afraid we'll  frighten them away if they see us. It's about the same as a giant kitty falling asleep on our house.

It's funny how we do that. I bet there's lots of things in your life like that where you think you can't do something because some weird self-imposed restriction is in the way.

You guys realize that's all that 3rd density thinking is, right.

Now that I've discovered that manufacturing countdowns keep ticking down when I'm logged off, I've got 2 different cities going. I'm playing with aesthetics. I've noticed most of the player cities I encounter all strive for top upgrades and then organize their expansions by type or color, obliterating sensible city panning. The players with money to burn are the worst. Yes, they have fantastic goodies, but taking tours checking out their cities is a road to madness. My city will look more like a real town with outlying poor districts and the wealthier sections a little more greenwayed.

Somebody found a way to sneak himself into the Benny suggestions. #PinkyApproves 

Monday, December 28, 2020


I've been saying for awhile to go inside yourself. Have you guys tried that yet?

I grew up in two different worlds, one of restrictions put upon my thinking by people all around me, and one of complete freedom of experience and thought that I've rarely shared with anyone.

The dreams started very young. I can remember trying to tell my mom about a scary dream when I was probably as young as 3 or 4, and the dream was ignored while I was scolded and sent back to bed. To me it was real, and the most confusing part was walking through it to get to her because they both existed at the same time, and I wasn't verbal enough to describe it very well. Essentially, years later that dream was validated scientifically, and that cemented the feeling I'd always had about why I came back to be born in the family I was.

The thinking also started very young. By age 7 I was already questioning the validity of different church's beliefs not matching, about drove my mom crazy. I couldn't stop thinking about everything and what made things the way they were. Eventually I realized we create ourselves, and this reality is like a public school system where we practice learning things on each other without an inbuilt instruction manual.

The remote viewing excursions and the dreams of visitors showing me things are so part of my life that I can't remember them not happening. I was shown things in other places and sometimes in different worlds from tiny childhood. I was shown things about light and physics. I think a lot of us have been shown things and we either don't remember or don't talk about them for some reason. I was asking if anyone else was seeing nonrepeating geometric patterns in their eyelids years before 'downloads' hit alt mainstream. (That was an extrally weird month.)

The out of body experiences were pretty trippy sometimes. I knew I was floating out of my body by the time I was 8 or 9.

So in one world, everything seems solid and nailed down, and in the other world I can see and sometimes do what most people call the impossible and I cant help feeling it's more valid than the nailed down world. I've often come to conclusions and then run into the same conclusions in books and TV shows years after I thought them. Since I didn't share them, I concluded that ideas come to us all as if we are a group mind, and the individual minds that are ready are able to receive the ideas. I decided this because the ideas I saw this happening with seemed to be time-synched all over the world. I know this because I've been a prolific reader all my life, and my memory for things I've read has been outstanding.

Years later, I never dreamed I'd start seeing our entire world start to sync into these ideas and innerstandings. Almost everywhere I turn now, people are suggesting to look inside ourselves. I got the idea to do that as a child from a bible story.

Before I share the story, it's extremely important to know that children were regularly slaughtered as sacrifices to Baal, and that society back then was in a stranglehold over it. One man standing up to it had gone on a rampage against the state's spiritual leaders and was now desperately fearing for his life after being set up for murder by a powerful priestess queen and was hopeless as to what to do next, where to turn.

Did you catch that? After a ripping, sheering bolt ionized the air, cracked rocks open, and set the land on fire, there was a still, small voice. All this was after a 40 day journey into the wilderness on nearly nothing to eat and living in a cave. Was Elijah delirious? Did the physical lightning bolt rend (tear open) both his vision and his mind? Was he not able to hear that still small voice until that crazy mega zap freaked him right out of his depression and despair?

And when he heard the voice, he came out of the inside of the (Plato's) cave to deep dive into what was really going on inside himself.


Basically, the first question we all ask when we first start to wake up and realize who we really are and that we have the power to take responsibility for how we create the world to become.

And after all that and more, of course, Elijah ascended.

Elijah is the classic hero's journey in fifth density.

Elijah saw it all laid out, how to set up the future to brace it against the evil, followed through making sure it was all set up with the right people, and ascended. Rumor has it he'll be back for Revelations, which is *looks at clock* pretty soon now.

That still small voice is inward. Distraction is outward. When we turn inward, we see clearly and we know what to do.

Have you guys tried that yet?

I'm no sage. I've messed up my life as much as anyone. But once I figured out that it's not just stories and all this is real, I tried it. Once I finally got it through my thick head that I'm only waiting on myself to get a clue, I tried it.

Guess what.

It works.

Sunday, December 27, 2020

95 days until April 1st, 2021

click pic for image author, free downloads

I now have triangulated evidence that a certain country simply doesn't exist. ๐Ÿคจ๐Ÿ˜‚

Lurker games. ๐Ÿ˜

Remember to keep up with your update reading.

I think one of my resolutions should be to keep my posts shorter. ๐ŸŽ†  #coffeeupdate

I'll be in Sinya Arda if anyone needs me. Contact: Nachos. (I'm not on the forum.) Btw, bbq turkey nachos with mozarella cheese is the bomb, in case you're needing leftover turkey ideas.

Saturday, December 26, 2020

end of year assessment and new year's resolutions

Someone squeaked in just in time for presents!

Remember these two from the Nuts Before Christmas?

Time for New Year's Resolutions!

First, looking back on last year's resolutions.

click pic for true story behind photo

The grinding end to 2019 was hellish on me, so last year I was lost and drifting in a dark stormy sea of frothy hate and self loathing, literally on the brink of bursting through my biggest epiphany ever. I'm not going to link back to that, and the only thing I'll share for now is "Someday I will share how I won the war by taking myself hostage, holding myself captive, torturing myself for years, and no one ever knew how badly I mutilated my brain just to win the war. I'm still here. We're all still here." Basically, realizing the enormity of never having suicided or flushed my life down a toilet. I certainly had the brain, the motivation, and the connections to do horrible things, and I dreamed of revenge constantly back in the day. Pinky publicly steered that ship away from destruction until it all caught up with me last year and it felt like my soul exploded. If Scott had never happened in my life, I can only imagine how I would have shredded what was left of me.

I ended 2019 with this.

My new year began with more drama that I won't go into. This post will click to the vid if you feel you need to see it. It very accurately depicts my inner feels about outer persons. Fortunately, a whole lot has changed for the way better, so this was a fleeting angst.

My New Year's resolutions last year were a little late in forming, mainly thanks to super stress plonking me into hospital almost immediately last year, but I did wind up assessing goals one month in. Looks great starting off, lol. Hold that thought.

By Feb. 6, 2020 my lifelong internal war abruptly ended with a desperately negotiated switch out from Pinky to Jacky. Everything since then has been about learning to share space. Pinky is on braincation now. She pops up here and there but mostly wants to just rest, I think. I've agreed not to cantankerously poke the bear, as they say. Despite how that post looks, the transition was utterly peaceful and a huge relief. Pretty sure Pinky was on the edge of very nervous breakdown. Jacky is flat effect, so coming off that roller coaster was blissful. Still holding that thought.

Of course, the covid lockdowns sent us all careening off rails, and my entire year evolved into a ginormous fight with CPAP over it. There is no pretty way to get through seasonal allergies while masking. I developed complications that at one point included a sinus abscess and a throat scope over losing my voice. Yes, I went 4 months without a normal voice because the world locked down and I couldn't get appointments, which was really nerve wracking when one wonders about possibly developing throat cancer. I feel really bad for everyone who went through even worse.

As the summer rolled out, I went through a weird week whacking my hair off (again) because masking got to me so badly one hot sweaty day. The constant news-checking on covid and politics felt like we were all being torqued harder into place, like we had to stay alert and vigilant and be so terribly careful, and that became exhausting and I could feel another health fail coming on, big time. Kept my fingers crossed that I wasn't going into an autoimmune flare about the time I started a new doctor (my primary left during the beginning of covid staff cutting in my provider network), and she caught (low and behold) an actual vitamin D deficiency that had gone under the radar for a long time, apparently. Many doctors are now talking about the immune system functioning better with vitamin D.

I got a little desperate for a public distraction I could focus on (thank you, Tom), and everything started changing for me. I gradually stopped hitting walls and fighting with everything that annoyed me, stepped back from being reactionary and depressed and adjusted my direction more toward noticing how that stuff isn't really *me*. That is a trained seal show. I've talked before (since 2014, actually) about how social medias keep us in a sort of fine tuned lockstep rhythm, and that taking a break from that makes it really obvious when you come back to it.

So vitamin D and refocus! Thanks to the vitamin D being added into my life, I skated through autumn finally clearing off my last two major meds for nerve pain and mood disorder. My nervous system is healing. And because of that, my depression is evening out, my pain levels have dropped dramatically, I have been able to step up and really help with kiddo during covid and her mama going through a rough pregnancy. Comparing last year to this year is like night and day. The one last big change was finally figuring out that I had developed a reaction to daily zyrtec, which in turn had been hiding that I had also started reacting to the silicone in my CPAP cushion, and I spent ragweed season to Thanksgiving with my face puffed up and my eyes tearing continually until another occasional pain med blew up and got me too nauseated to eat for 3 days and stopping zyrtec abruptly after several years turned into instant relief. O_O 

And then this month I finally figured out why the whole Tom thing was working. I've been reviewing for years, everyone saw my Ben fling, I've bounced around watch marathons and live tweets for years, so why was the Tom watch suddenly important? This last couple weeks, not a clue how this even all congealed, probably because it was a year since Dad died, but I found myself thinking through a few paragraphs on a private blog. 

On another note, was kinda going back over a life of addiction in it's mesmerizing variety, the self destruction and learning recoveries, all the ways I've slipped into bliss any way possible living moment by moment in so much pain, anxiety, and oscillating anger and fear.

The last 6 months slipping into Tom has been far from self destructive. Have I found a role model? Finally?

He talks about his dad with so much respect, and he's a dad with 4 kids. When I first met Scott, for the first time in my life I realized what I had never been able to imagine and wish for in a dad. Is that the connection here? My first big wallop with Tom was Nora and Eobard.

I think I'm recreating my private world and revisting all the bad memories in a new kind of objective point of view now. Not just objective or like 3rd person objective, not observer gauging or assessing. Simply seeing and going Ohhhh...


I've actually got way more Pepe than Tom, and a cool variety of many more things, but I guess, for me in general, it's a bit more than my usual.

It's sure felt like a long, hard life. I have a lot more thinking to do.

Yeah, my light bulb moment. A lifetime of addictions, and a father I was never able to talk to or be myself with. No forgiveness, no shelter, and both of us autist enough to be oblivious of the obvious. Add to that my latest son-in-law's new baby daughter, lotta dad issue stuff in my life may finally be resolving.

Oh, here we go, cute pic in my phone. Sparkles was patiently waiting in a grocery store bathroom here for kiddo, and I was patiently guarding so no one would walk in and touch her and destroy our joy. The little things are important.

This little gem.

And it's true because there are actually causes I was able to sift out over time and deal with, crescendoing into last winter's stress meltdown.

This winter, I'm deep in Elvenar. I followed Scott in, first time we've gamed on the same thing at the same time. He surprised me last night with a $20 diamond splurge and I had a blast upgrading a few things.

So my most immediate New Year's resolution now, as per realizing last night how addicting this game is and how compulsively a person could nickel and dime their way into massive expansion, is to NOT SPEND MORE PAYPAL on diamonds. I personally like fighting and strategizing, so I can fight my way to expansion, no problem. The trick is being patient. Most of this game is obviously set up and timed out to play on a person's impatience. I'm sure they rake in millions all over the planet. Some of the player cities I've seen would have taken many months playing the long way, so I imagine they've invested a bit in their expansions. Me, I just leave the workshops running while I walk away and do other things, piece of cake.

I guess other resolutions will include staying on track watching my numbers kind of stuff. Staying aware of glucose and carbs, sleep scores, workout time, money, etc makes life better in general. Cuts way down on headaches, both physically and metaphorically. I really need to read more. I bought a bunch of books last spring and I haven't finished them yet. Maybe I can work out a reading routine. I'm trying to stay off medias again, one of my very publicly documented (2013-2014) psychological addictions. Managed to pull my head out of minecraft a bit this year. I seem to be talking more with Scott. I think both girls getting pregnant has been really good for me, more in the now.

I feel pretty chill about the whole new year thing. Let's see what I've got so far.

  1. No compulsive paypal spending on Elvenar ๐Ÿ˜
  2. Read the books I bought ๐Ÿ˜‚
  3. Stay on top of health numbers ๐ŸŒป
  4. ๐Ÿค” Nothing else is coming to mind

Imma run off now. Hope you guys are having a great holiday in spite of everything going wrong this year. We've had a newborn in NICU so we're thrilled she's coming off the tubes and stuff. Love your people. ๐Ÿ’•

Thursday, December 24, 2020

hooked on Elvenar


Way super busy, new baby arrived, big sister will wake up here on Christmas. She's assuring me her elf sent a message to Santa, so we're ready. 

Taking a big bad social media break, really busy in my world last couple days. Kiddo is conked and my mind is on a couple tidbits coming at me in texts. Totally with our teams in spirit, even if I'm not keeping eyes on at the moment. Go get 'em!

Sunday, December 20, 2020

What is all this QStuff anyway?

Hi, guys. ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ… 

If you are sort of last minute waking up and feeling stressed about where to find all the important need to know stuff about the Q operation, this is the easiest most all-inclusive link I've seen to date.


It's all real. It's all true. These are the most vetted links (contained in the link I just gave you) with the best information you could hope to find all in one place.

If the world sucks because it's been so depressing and confusing, please know there are many millions of us all over the world getting on the same page now, and we are all very much looking forward to a sweeping change all over the world over the next few months. Its hard to see this if you try to find truth in news screens, because they dont want change. But there is another way.

Find a quiet spot during a quiet moment and go inside yourself. Let go of worry and fear and turn inward. Inside each of us is a Peace where we know things. While our minds are occupied with external feeds, we aren't connected inside. When we stop the external feeds and reactions, it becomes much easier to find our Peace inside.

Look for Yourself. Be with Yourself. When you find Yourself, you will start to know things. You will find your intuition and you will be able to see very differently. The world around us is a sham of lies and controls that will start becoming visible to you. You will begin to see how to control your own world, your truth. They can't take your truth away from you. Confusion and fear are designed to keep you distracted from knowing all this.

You are not alone. Find Us.

Friday, December 18, 2020

having fun

Did you guys notice the Spanish KFC signaled to the Pepe accounts on the 16th? (Note: Trump retweeted @Pepematter on Dec. 8.) The excitement among the Pepes over it was awesome.

Here is #PepeLivesMatter if you want to follow on Twitter, just click the bio snip.

If you haven't yet caught onto the impacts in the info wars, businesses are literally still risking getting torched to the ground over stuff like that. We know what's at stake just having fun.

Mama still hasn't popped out her little gremlin yet, getting pretty miserable. She's already done the energy burst nesting thing cleaning her whole house, and was going to continue working right up to labor induction next week, but the baby is being too bossy.

Scott and I heard kiddo (soon to be big sister) wants to do a gingerbread house when she comes here, so we ran in for a kit.

Scott was going to grab supper on the way home, and lines were wrapped around buildings all over town. Finally told him just run into the Mexican restaurant for takeout, and he said it was pretty busy in there, too. Our town doesn't seem to be hurting food-wise like some of the hotspot cities in the worst lockdown states. I feel really bad for people trapped in those areas. Hope this is resolved quickly.

I know holidays are ridiculous for a lot of people this year, and the depression and anger are overwhelming. Tonight while we were driving home it struck me how joyful we're going to feel this time next year after all this is behind us. I feel like the whole world is going to be so relieved when the stress levels go down. And honestly, I don't think it's going to take that long. There's been so much erring on the side of caution, I think the thing to remember is that's all it is. We don't have to be hateful and judgemental over it. It's sucking for all of us, and the ones getting through it the best, in my eyes, are the ones letting go of fear. It's time to level up our life game and be excellent to each other. ❤