-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, Janika, Basically Clueless & this blog PinkFeldspar, in that order.
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Friday, June 18, 2021

Stefan, perhaps (nsfw)

After sharing my Stefani thread about my Stefani post reviewing Lady Gaga's 911 video, this was brought to my attention by another research group.



As you can see when you click over for youtube description, that vid has been public since 2009.

Whether you are familiar with these concepts or not, it's not a big leap to seeing Lady Gaga as a styled creation set up to simulate Baphomet (who is hermaphrodite) worship from the public. Big crowds in worship mode create loosh.

A term applied to energy produced by human beings and animals that other entities use to feed from. It is also used to refer to the energy that is produced by suffering that entities feed. From books by Robert Monroe. Maybe a play on the French word Louche.


Interesting info about the number 911.

1 and 1 side by side are the gateway of Baal. Here is another post I wrote on what 9/11 has to do with both the gateway of Baal and the Black Cube, and how those tie in to the elite glorifying human torture in artwork they exhibit around their luxury homes.

And I point out in PinkFeldspar: life is but a meme that Stefani (and those who control her) was quietly announced to the shadow elite and their minions as being in a position of power above the U.S. government.



If you are new to the deeper esoteric layers of the one world religion of the cabal, you might miss the references to Baphomet, adrenochrome, MK programming, and the child trafficking supply chain being disrupted. Add to this the authority Lady Gaga having been presented with, to a particular subset this alerted the world to her place on the food chain of comms, like a sort of shorthand but done in imagery, symbology, and numerology.


I wrap things back to Epstein in this post

and share a wider perspective on how blind to being permeated we are with this enculturation at 

There are others who go more in-depth on esoteric meanings behind the numbers and their applications in real world by Kabbalist controlled leaders, so I'm not alone in any kind of basement making up conspiracies. I'm one of the few that has been connecting the Lady Gaga dots.

Why is this a big deal? Why are my little digs such a big deal to countries all over the world swooping over in my stats?

Because treason. Because crimes against humanity. Because PAIN is coming. And I've heard it's already arrived for her. Whatever you are seeing in 'news' and trending is either concocted for distraction, old pix and clips being recycled into new stories, or body doubles (and some think clones). Do your own research. The newer photos we're seeing are not her.

Stefani was born into a bloodline family and purposed to greater things. She (originally he) suffered a great many things on the way to becoming one of the most well-known and dearly loved people on the planet. Stefani didn't hide anything or keep secrets, but instead showed us all through her art how she came to be and what her purpose was.

The mysterious stranger observing the bike wreck in the desert in the 911 video was an unintended disruption in their plans.

Look very closely at every frame. Take your time seeing what slides by unnoticed. Ask what is really going on, and why are we seeing this. Ask who was in charge of the storyboard...



Thursday, June 17, 2021

therefore

 I have no idea what I'm doing lol.


Playing around.




I've been resting a LOT, still sleeping more than usual, but everything is starting to go back to a sort of normal, yay.








I think I'm officially on vacation now. I think this summer I'm going to just keep resting.


Might get back to review thinking now. I like overthinking. 😂 I've already caught an error in my understanding of a particular episode, but I'm not mapping out any kind of timeline fixing it.

Haven't been out to see the chickens in several days. Might be a couple more before I feel up to it.



Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Existential Aspie


I decided today I'm done with my book, which isn't anywhere for sale because it's all free and scattered all over the place like a big puzzle. This was the main motivation behind trying to write it all out.



Has anyone ever made you cry just by saying I love you?
This has way deeper significance when you know that person literally cannot say anything else and hasn’t been able to have a conversation with you in over two years, and you know it’s getting close, and they look you in the eyes and tell you they love you, and you know they mean it, and there are millions of unspoken words that come with it that let you know everything is forgiven and nothing is in the way any more. Yes, you go home and bawl your eyes out. ****Ok, I let this one sit awhile, and I keep coming back and reading it, and it comes across weird and creepy, so I’ll clarify a little. My mom died a long slow death from several big strokes that left her very deficit both physically and cognitively. I was not close to my mom growing up, felt rather picked on continually for what none of us realized was Asperger’s, never felt forgiven, and never really felt loved, although I’m sure she never meant for that to happen. When she started having strokes there were so many unfinished emotions that never got resolved, and despite the relief I felt that I no longer had to tolerate her unceasing judgement, years of taking care of her and watching her slowly spiral down were anguishing. I learned over that time that nothing means more to our lives on this planet than resolving our relationship issues before it’s too late. There is just nothing else comparable to the real meaning of life that goes round and round your head, if you don’t get those solved you feel like you failed somehow at why you were here. During her last couple of years I was seeing a psychologist for help with my Asperger’s and social skills and whatnot, really eye opening stuff for me, and I began to realize and understand what it must have been like for *her* to raise a child like me. She’s not a bad person, but without her own social safety net and support system, she was lost and flying blind, and made ever so many mistakes. My memories of my childhood are fairly tragic in places. By the time she reached her last summer, I was reaching a place where I could let all that go, where I wanted God to erase it all and just make it ok, because we really had made it through our stuff, and I no longer wanted or needed validation or recompense or some kind of understanding or forgiveness. I just loved her and wished I could go back in time and give her lots of hugs and tell her everything was going to be all right. And that is the magic. The last time I saw her awake and somewhat responsive, and I guess this sometimes happens when people with brain problems near death seem to snap back into momentary coherency, she suddenly locked eyes with me and grinned so big like she was not only glad to see me (that had never happened in my life), but like we had a big fun secret just between the two of us. And for the first time in my life, as well, especially with the Asperger’s, I locked eyes right back at her and grinned right back, and every bit of it was “I love you, too”, no hesitation, no baggage. That moment, as in a previous question further up, was PERFECT. And then I went home and bawled my eyes out, because one moment was all we got. She went blank and never looked at me again, and died a couple of months later.

Star Labs- the start

 


So lately (most of 2021 so far, actually), I've been thinking about Star Labs more as a character than a background structure or part of a plot device. As a series of sets, yeah, it's integral, much like a spaceship is in some shows, vital and pretty standalone as a solid visual cue. But lately I've been thinking about it as its own thing apart from other characters, more like an entity itself that historically evolves and even takes other forms and histories on alt worlds, just like the characters. They do things to and in Star Labs, and likewise, Star Labs does things to them and becomes their derelict shelter.


So I stopped my latest rewatch, which had stalled out for a whole lotta real life anyway, and have started over. I'm going to slow down and absorb Star Labs, how it looks, feels, and 'interacts' over time with people inside it.

I'll label these #StarLabs as I go. For now, need coffee. I seem to be catching up on a lot of missed and very badly needed sleep, slept my very rare once or twice a year 8 hours straight last night, and that came after an unheard of 6 hour nap out of the blue yesterday.

As aspie train obsessions go, maybe Star Labs is my zen.





Wow, someone compiled a playlist of all the CC Jitters songs that played in the background. I probably won't take the time to verify this, but you can if you want. Here you go.


Tuesday, June 15, 2021

leftovers and yum

 


That was a beautiful Spanish rice dish I tossed together with leftover cherry tomatoes cooked into the onion-pepper-garlic thing I sizzled down and added leftover stockpot chicken into, all stirred into a batch of jasmine rice and topped off with colby-jack. If you do anything like that, don't forget to dust cilantro, chili powder, and cumin into the veggies cooking.

My stomach setting off vagus nerve stimulated cardiac reactions got ridiculous enough to run in for testing, once again ruled out anything pancreas, aneurysm, infection, appendix, fluid pileup (ascites), kidneys, spleen, adrenals, no obstructions, nothing with gyno organs. Noted only remarkable thing is what they've always seen, that I'm fat, and they reaffirmed messenteric panniculitis, which is your basic benign fibrosing inflammatory disease. Since my entire body exhibits a fibrotic response to all kinds of healing, I've already dealt with double frozen shoulder and many other things, so they tend to brush that off with normal aging for me. But basically, even though I'm not a larger person, 'fat' is the notation here, although that doesn't typically set off vagus nerve stuff.

I've been running into stuff about CAID (Chronic atrial and intestinal dysrhythmia) that would certainly explain a lifetime of weirdness, although years of holter monitors have never confirmed sick sinus syndrome, but have confirmed correlation between digestive spasming and my heart feeling like it's trying to flip over, but docs have always called it PACs and PVCs and dismiss abdominal.

The problem over the last 6 months is that whatever is going on, it's been disturbing enough to wake me up with tachycardia out of sound sleeps. This used to happen regularly years ago and was so bad that I finally submitted to radio ablation for SVT, although back then I didn't experience hard skips during full out heart galloping, but now I do and it's pretty disturbing. I've been assured via full cardiac testing and sleep testing that I'm in excellent shape and all is well, but with my tummy suddenly turning into the Mars Rover tripping over boulders (stress can apparently flip that on like a switch), I'm actually getting mildly elevated troponin levels nowadays with my heart reacting to that.

So yeah, wanted to make sure everything was ok. I've been very ill with big problems in years past and it's kinda wise to just stay on top of a healthy baseline once in awhile.

The most immediate thing I could do was simply stop eating. That's not easy for a diabetic to do, especially when suddenly all electrolytes are being cut off, so after skipping a meal, the next 'meal' was a cup of beef broth and a half cup of milk, and so on. I got way less than 500 calories a day for 3 days because the heart reactions on top of feeling like part of my gut was being tasered (think spasms in one or two areas but I really didn't have much pain), and sometimes I'd feel shaky and even started launching into full blow panic attack responses out of the blue (out of a dead sleep or in the shower) every time my heart started skipping, and it took awhile to figure that out because I wasn't feeling the skipping in those situations. I discovered them accidentally with an oximeter showing bouncy beats, confirmed with feeling pulse, and then realized what I was feeling in my abdomen as big tugs was really my heart skipping. If I was laying in bed with this happening, I could turn onto either side and suddenly feel my heart doing that. I doubt I was in any danger at all, but feeling that kind of stuff is so disturbing that I couldn't go back to sleep. Over time I started developing shortness of breath when these things happened, and it took more time to nail down that was being caused by actual gut spasms, not my heart skipping.

So once I got that all figured out, I went in to ER and told them abdomen as opposed to mentioning heart, completely different set of testing that very quickly ruled out all the big bad things that can actually cause cardiac reactions as a symptom.

I still think this all goes back to being born addicted (pregnant mom on darvocet) and starting life on donnatal to prevent projectile vomiting as a newborn, and then experiencing a prodigious amount of intestinal awareness during childhood to the point of having a barium enema at less than 6 years old, years of throwing up at the drop of a hat, and many more years of very painful bowel spasming. I think it's a genetic glitch heightened by in vitro doctor approved medication abuse, and now as I'm aging, I have become extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods and stressors that seem to set off this stomach-cardiac combo enough to send me reeling into sporadic fasting every so often. I've spent years being checked for so much stuff, and if that is what it boils down to, genetics and medication abuse, imagine how the whole field of pharmaceuticals would change around this if things like this were acknowledged. But medicine is so compartmentalized that it has taken me nearly 60 years to even figure this out.

So, despite not being on a level playing field of normal nerve response, I'm still doing this to myself to some extent, and I've gotta straighten up again. My diet is already pretty strict by any standard, compared to most Americans, but this homemade ice cream binge I've been on can't be helping at all. It's too much dairy, too much sugar (even though I cut it way down), and extra calories, and even though I'm not lactose intolerant at all, the ice cream binge and the solid spastic bloat seem to be too coincidental to dismiss.

So that's where I'm at now, slowly adding food back after a few days of severely restricting food.

I got these pix last weekend while Scott and I were in a hardware store buying bags of chicken crumbles, mixed grains, and grit and picking up a new giant waterer to experiment with before we go on vacation later this summer. The chicken food we bought was expensive top of the line nutrition, then we walked through aisles like this and thought about all the ways people get sickly because this is the opposite of nutrition. It's weird and cute, but slugging just one of these bottles down all at once would put me in a hospital. Something to think about, guys.




Eat wisely.