-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, Janika, Basically Clueless & this blog PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Thursday, April 15, 2021

the dark age

 Per a couple posts back-

This is how I find other people creating things in the dark for me to find

I sometimes compulsively reread for errors, and one possible error would be that I should have written that as people creating things for me to find in the dark.  NO. I'll tell you why.

This is OUR dark. We are in the dark ages, whether you see them as dark or not. We are in the Age of Oppression, whether you realize it or not. It's not just my dark, it's all our dark.

This is not just my own depression. We've been slogging through a worldwide depression all our lives, created by the deep state so we can be controlled.

Over this last year it has become abundantly clear how easily controlled the masses are in their thinking, their perceptions and beliefs, their responses and reactions, and especially their docile obedience.

Saying that, I now say yes, I've seen other errors in other posts that I know nags at at least one of you, and the reason I don't go obsessively fix them is because I've been so compulsive with correcting in the past that I've dropped everything more important and even leaped out of bed in the wee hours just to fix a minor typo here or there. I finally realized I was destroying my own health over that level of obsession, and now I find old typos and triumphantly walk away.

I'm a very messed up person in some areas, and the obsession to self correct is a primary life intrusion that I've spent years letting go of.

I sometimes wonder how actors survive themselves. As in survive their own selves, not 'survive, themselves'. Those of you who don't know the difference, that is how deep state controls your thinking. They control language in ways you're too dumbed down to get. That's how they get away with doublethink. Practice language tools, get your control back over your mind.


From my twitter

I keep hearing any time now, but May is popping up in some places, so hang in there. 💖

wonder how many time orientation perception realities there are out there in humanland

Stuff I wrote on 1-15-18


Faith in action, and how we have the power to change the future.

  • If we do this now, we'll prevent problems down the road.
  • If we get this done, we won't see the problems come up.
  • If we finish now, we may never know what the problems would have been.

Just because we can't see the future we're avoiding doesn't mean we can procrastinate.


We've had a couple discussions this week about the price of eeking out every penny's worth of a material good in order to 'save money' and 'not be wasteful'.

Discussion 1- The very real fire that sprang up the wall from a bad cord to a 20+ year old coffeemaker doesn't mean that we should laboriously replace a cord and several other small parts while we're at it and keep risking the fail of the entire house going up in flames, probably worth at least the cost of replacing it with an identical model from ebay and possibly the cost of our entire house and everything in it, not to mention a possible life. If Scott hadn't seen that flame up before he went to work... And you'd think that would really hit a person, but I'm not sure he's wired to think that way. We have very different brains and perspectives. I have finally put my foot down against using taped up electrical cords on general principle, even though we could conceivably keep using appliances to the point where they finally give out into a poof of irretrievable dust.

Discussion 2- Another burner temp regulator has gone berserk and will out of the blue click to super high temp without warning, and I saw a pancake burn black in seconds and a pan smoke hard within seconds of it happening. If I hadn't been in the same room to see that (another possible fire in the same small area leaving me wondering if one of the many lightning surges we've had may have affected the wiring in that wall even though it's all grounded) we could have lost the entire house, and who knows if I'd have escaped a house fire or not. At any rate, to keep using this stove another *looks at clock* 12 years, about half of which have already had one wonky bad burner (and now there's three), is to risk everything we own and possibly even our own lives, so I have put my foot down about no more replacing parts that cost $80 a pop to the point where it will have been cheaper to just go buy a new stove.

These two discussions have only deepened my distrust of everything deep state programmed into older people skulls since our childhoods, that we must not waste anything, that we must save every penny we can, that we must model good citizenship by being thrifty. THAT is a world war mentality. THAT is propaganda from wartime programming. If you wanna see how that affected people, just look at the way we live (we're actually in a very nice house) and ask if this level of commitment to product is worth our lives and everything we own. I have been dealing with this my whole life. First it was my dad, now it's my husband, and the idea is that this is all more important than our own safety, comfort, and enjoyment. We are slaves to a way of thinking.

If you guys catch yourselves telling someone to turn off the light every time they walk through a doorway into another room, you are a slave of that mentality. Logically, lights nowadays are much cheaper and way more efficient than they started out being when it made more sense to fuss about turning off the lights.

This mentality has washed down into several generations, and it disgusts me because that mentality alone is responsible for putting material concerns ahead of people concerns. No person on the planet is worth less than a light bulb, an electrical cord, or a part in an appliance, and yet we automatically do this to each other.

This is why so many people are still in a coma, and many who think they are awake are still at least half asleep.


Now I will share my latest meandering video trail from a recent bipolar depression jag that thankfully only lasted 3 days. These have become much rarer over time, still wondering if thanks in part to vitamin D deficiency being corrected. But this is how I survive myself, by burying myself in this kind of distraction. It started off sad (this is the time of year my best friend was murdered) with a weird fanvid and wound up going all trippy with really cool science. This is how I find other people creating things in the dark for me to find, and that is why I continue to write for others.

Food vids are awesome.

Love getting lost in this stuff.

I watched this for a half hour, kid you not. Felt very soothing. I was needing that quite badly since I don't do head meds.

Super awesome.

I wanna find myself in a higher dimension.

lol, I have dreams like this.

This was perfect, I've gotten that exact same call script. Wish I'd been more creative like this guy.

Ha! 😂


I was not aware bands could be this cool.

After this I felt like getting back out of bed and doing something. 😀

Worldwide suicide hotlines. Sorry it's cut off at the bottom, I found this on twitter and it came like that.

p.s. I experienced my first cognizant alt sharing (not switching, but sharing space) through that depression jag, and it was pretty wild. (I had said out loud a few hours earlier that I wish I could integrate more of myself and stop switching so much, maybe the others felt the same way.) I very strongly encourage you guys to find someone to hug asap and not let go through something like that. Just hug if you can do nothing else. Hugging is good. Try not to bite their head off, chew it up, and spit it back out at them between hugs, or even while hugging. It's not worth losing the hugs. I know it's hard. 💓 Sometimes logical Jacky (the cat who walks by herself) can't always stop emotional Pinky (the interface) from self destructive meltdowns, and when Yablo (party Spock) or Janika (the addict) get dragged into it, we can have some really rough days where time orientation completely fails and everything feels like a very confusing time loop, and everything becomes personally painful even if it never was before, and nothing coming out of us makes sense. God bless youtube (in spite of what patriots think) for saving me time and time again for many years, providing me the distraction that suspends the hyperreaction cataclysms and leads me through the scary dark without dire consequences. I've been able to keep a marriage together and keep talking to my kids and even stay public online, thanks to youtube being available and so many people using youtube to share their visions and creations and dreams and feelings. I will always be a fan of fans.

I'm ok on the other side now. I don't write like this when I'm not ok.

Go tell people you love them.

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Can you see it?

Pix click to sources. 

'formerly nicotine stained fingers'

Jim Morrison's dad "was commander of the U.S. naval forces in the Gulf of Tonkin during the Gulf of Tonkin Incident of August 1964, which sparked an escalation of American involvement in the Vietnam War."

Jim has been part of the Great Awakening. I'm hearing rumors he's not really dead yet, and he wants to die as himself.

Blogger started throwing an absolute fit when I previewed all this just now. The page kept freezing every other second and I can't scroll real quick to check positioning. It's like I'm fighting someone trying to scroll back.

You like the really good rumors? Follow John F Kennedy Jr on Telegram. I had figured out who hsretoucher was months ago on twitter while it was still a fun game.

Sunday, April 11, 2021

pay attention

I'm going to paste this thing over that I wrote back in April 2018. The line has been smeared so badly between evil and good in entertainment that I finally just had a fit. Perhaps this will be helpful in understanding why it's so difficult for some people to believe our world has been steeped in real evil for a very long time, but candied up so we can't possibly believe it really exists.

like, pretend your villain isn't terribly empathic or something

This is a think piece, in case you miss that.

Sometimes I wanna sit and write out all the stuff I would've done in your place kind of thing. Like, lemme show you how to be a better sneak, a sharper thief, a wittier manipulator, a more cunning liar, a farther seeing revenger, a more thorough getting even thinker. The fail I see others stumbling through drives me crazy.

The key to all great successes is simply don't tell anyone. If you have to tell someone, anyone, then you aren't ready for the big leagues. If you can't stand holding it all in and need to spell it all out or you'll pop, you're not that terribly serious. You might still be dangerous and whatever, but you ultimately fail in evil villainry.

You can't have cult followings or pyramid schemes and be ultimately successful. You might be a terribly evil genius, yes, but you will still ultimately fail. Because someone knows.

You are the only one who can know. If anyone ever traces anything back to you for any reason whatsoever, that is fail. If you go blabbing, it's uber fail. If you actually organize, that's so facepalm fail that you wind up being the example of how to fail.

Needing to spill is the greatest weakness.

Conversely, using spill to bait, using truth and vulnerability to snap the trap, and please understand I don't mean being fake vulnerability or acting here, but literally allowing yourself to be stabbed in the back as part of the revenge, now that is heritage cognac level evil villainry.

And let's be honest. Half of you reading this just compared notes, and the other half thought of people you fear. We're not talking about Penguin level leverage and fail here, although I'd love to get hold of a few writers and shake them. We are talking every day people. Everyone holds a grudge, and half of you want to do something about it.

So the key to success is staying quiet. Winning is the actual success. Define what winning is. This is where I am so keenly disappointed in most people that I can barely take anyone seriously. Winning isn't about squashing someone like a bug. Winning is about quietly creating what you'd really like to see happen. People who succumb to thinking that bug squashing means happiness and freedom are pathetic losers and don't deserve to win anyway. Winning is about fixing the problem that creates the bugs in the first place. You don't want a bug? Turn that whole person or situation into a not-bug. Don't make it someone else's problem. Make it not a problem at all.

I know, some of you are actually thinking about killing, maiming, or at least making someone cry as a solution. NO. That's not the solution. The solution isn't about removing or screwing with anyone or anything. Winning isn't about making everything else around it worse. Your scope of vision is far too narrow if that's how you are problem solving.

The whole reason this came up is because I keep running into successions of writing prompts, writing tips, writing memes, writing flaws, and so on ad nauseam. Everyone has the answer to how to make a better villain in a story. The problem with stories is that villains lose. Even if they are winning big for a very long time, they still lose.

The biggest writing fail of our times is making the villain lovable, giving the villain an out. Villains come to their senses, they are seduced by cuteness and some kind of love, they are just sad stories at the core like the rest of us. They are human. NO. A truly evil despicable villain is so unlovable, so broken, so ruined and cruel and obnoxiously loathsome that no one could ever really *care* about that person in their wildest dreams.

Case in point, Gollum. The very best you can do is barely take a little faint pity on the guy once being a simple soul. The rest is pure foul hatred that there is no coming back from. He would never dream of taking on an apprentice, like Palpatine does. The Emperor is a doddering grandfather compared to Gollum. Let's see Palpatine pull off the biggest power heist of the universe with no Senate support, and no Force. Nothing stopped Gollum, and dang if he didn't actually have the Ring back by the time it was over. The Ring itself couldn't stop him from utterly annihilating it with his twisted love.

It's cute to make villains adorable or fashionable or something fondishly cool to be a fan of, like Pixel. Why are we doing this to stories nowadays? Why are villains doing Disney showtunes? Why is Luna Girl the kind of brat we all dream of being deep down inside?

Writer gods forgive me for slamming tips back before I'm officially published, but if you can't Khan your villain into some level of unforgivable, I just can't myself. I can't read or watch stuff that has me feeling warm fuzzies for the super villain without the entire story caving in. If I'm hoping the villain wins, it's either because the story is some genre of mockery or the story is that bad.

Draw a hard line over which your morals don't step around your villains. Make your villains so hateable that no one ever forgets them. Drop the cute and hurt yourself writing what the hell happened. Some of us are out here depending on you to stop slathering evil with fun bathtub coloring soaps. And glitter. Stop that.

Evil needs to be evil. Because that is what evil is. Anything less is propaganda. Something to think about.