Met my new psychiatrist yesterday. She seems pretty cool, and I came away from that feeling relieved after being super nervous the day before.
No one so far has ever outright said bipolar 2 even though mood problem has been a real dx for years, but she was reading off my dx summary and there it was.
And she pretty much said dissociative is real. Not ready to add that to my spaz blog yet. My years of memory problems are finally making sense.
This song has stuck on repeat in my head last couple days.
I know, I go away for a few little bitty days and no one knows what I'm doing.
Organizing.
Lots and lots of organizing.
No, you don't want the details, it's just boring stuff like throwing away all my Johnny Depp movies and cleaning off my dresser to get my new stereo out that I bought myself for Christmas. And deleting a lot more stuff off my DVR. Digging through drawers and making executive decisions about whether I'm going to keep some yarn for another 10 years or simply just pitch it and wash my hands of ever thinking I could sit peacefully making something beautiful, given my lots in life. Who knows, maybe I'll delete 6000 things off my phone in one fell swoop. I'm just in that kind of organizing mood. Take things out and burn them mood.
Felt like playing the other night. Haven't done that in a long time. I'm sure I could have done better on the rest but I was watching TV and talking to Scott and racing through it on the side, completed it way ahead of the timer.
Slogged through a lower low than usual but didn't cry or curl up in bed like the Pinky days. Funny how a flat effect personality will bend manic around weird. The highs have been way less floaty, too, since Jacky slid in. Still, I did compulsively stab Scott with a pen the other day, haven't acted out like that in a long time. I'll have to be more mindful around my temper. Comes and goes like lightning in this mode. Over quick.
Possibly starting euphoria, noticed I'm forgetting to eat again. More absent minded than floaty so far.
It's been over 400 days since I've had chocolate, 5 1/2 years since I've had a sandwich, nearly 9 years since I've had peanut butter, guacamole, and lemon pie.
Someone finally threatened to dox me, gave me instructions on how to google search bitchute for a payoff. Guess the guy gave up on me, not realizing I don't bother checking email for weeks. After years of public personal blogging, I really don't care what anyone threatens to send all my contacts if I don't comply. Not sure anyone can humiliate me any more than I've humiliated myself so many times. Kinda surprised it took this long, I've really pissed a few people off.
Anyway, all the Snarkalecs been crossing my mind all week, every single one. Y'all got hugs in my head, so if you had a weird moment, that was probably me fumbling around with time and space because I have no idea how to properly fly the astral plane. Get it? Plane. Nevermind.
